hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
