Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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