fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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