youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
