I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
