we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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