All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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