Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
