when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize