Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
