Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
