Only a mothe r could love this liver
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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