brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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