I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
