If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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