So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
