well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
