My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
