what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
