i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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