the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
