My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
