What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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