Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
