No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
