Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How naked do you want me to be?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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