I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found puke in my bra..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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