Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
