Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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