We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize