so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
