I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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