We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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