I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
