Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
God I need to hump something, right now.
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