can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
