Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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