my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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