she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
