I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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