I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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