I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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