Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
