The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
