Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
