I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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