I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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