there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize