i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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