last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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