So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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