Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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