note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
