before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
