i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
