I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do herpes really smell.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize