im having a threesome with these popsicles
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
