By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
