I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
