Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
