I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
