I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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