Im at strip club and am horny
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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