well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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