Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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