You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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