im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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