i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
