I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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