also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
